Looking out the window in the big break room at the law office – everyone is still arriving – the parking lot next door is still filling up – I’m watching a guy walk by on the sidewalk downstairs – some homeless dude going to or coming from the City Mission – which is a few blocks away – work boots, baggy olive green work pants, maroon jacket, red & white baseball cap – then a black kid walks by, so pigeon-toed he has trouble walking in a straight line. He keeps fading to the right.
Jesse just called. Now that Doreen’s pregnant again he’s calling me all the time again. I haven’t seen him alone since before New Year’s & whenever I do see him, it’s only when he comes over to do a deal with Teddy – they’re “all good” with each other again – of course they are – there’s money to be made, isn’t there. Oh – I’m in one hell of a cynical mood today! But even though Jesse calls me all the time, it’s not like he ever makes time for me – it’s the same fucking dynamic as Jon – he’s got a woman at home but he calls me to fool around on the phone. Ya know – fuck that noise, man! That’s not what I need – idiotic talk – I need to get really pounded – I haven’t gotten laid in forever. But – I just found another dollar in my pocket. Now I’m trying to figure out if I should spend it on a new record for the jukebox or have a drink with Mo or forget the money & call Jesse back & see if he wants to get together. Ya know – he just might. I’m just not sure that I’m in the mood for Jesse. I would almost rather have a drink with Mo. I don’t know what’s the matter with me today.
My moon’s in Libra today. You can certainly tell – I keep weighing desires & things I might want to do & can’t make a decision!
Oh my God! I lost my notebook! I was dying! Like – where’s my security blanket –
I’m tired. I’m still recovering from the weekend. I got annihilated at work on Thursday – plus I had a stag that night – I was sick all day on Friday – I even called off work at The Canteen – only my second time in three years. I couldn’t stop throwing up. I had to drag myself downtown to the law office to get my paycheck – I looked & felt like a junkie. At the bank – I was in line to get it cashed & I had to go outside to get sick in a newspaper. Naturally by late afternoon I felt good enough to snort more coke & party again. On Saturday I had three stag parties – two of them ended in fights. Neither of them involved Teddy or me but they stopped the shows. When I told Paulie about it the next morning, he said it was the full moon – he said that there’s always triple the amount of arrests on a full moon. Sunday night I had another stag – with Gigi, Havana & Oralie. They were all turning tricks. Listening to them talk, I learned a lot about the everyday, nitty-gritty mundane business of tricking. Like – johns expect your house to be clean or else they won’t pay as much. I had never thought of that. Of course my house is always clean so that’s not even an issue in my life. Also Havana makes her johns use rubbers! That flipped me out! I mean, yuck! Rubbers suck! But on the other hand, it makes sense! You never know what these guys might have – if they’re fucking these girls, they might be fucking anyone at all. It made me really think. Like – who is Jesse fucking when he’s not fucking me? Ya know? I don’t mean Doreen – she doesn’t count. I mean – are there other girls? Is that why I hardly ever see him anymore?
I didn’t get to bed until 2:30 a.m. Monday & I had the alarm set for 6 a.m. I remember it going off – but I passed right out again – waking up at a quarter to 8 & panicking. Teddy & I both ran out the door. I felt tired & achy all day – my stomach hurt – just burned out after a weekend of intense partying. All my weekends are like this. I just wish I didn’t feel so burned out for days afterward.
Here I am, sitting at a table in the lounge at the law office, with a cup of tea – making out a list of things I need to do after work & I want to cry cuz it seems unfair that I have to work so hard to get a few days off & why do I have to feel so yicky when there’s so much to do!!
Ah, but this first sip of tea is so soothing – on my nerves as well as my throat. The decongestants are kicking in – at least I’m not blowing my nose every 3 seconds! But I still don’t feel like working. I would like to stretch out on the couch or in bed & somewhere & maybe fall asleep – just shut off for a while. Eventually be seduced. Slowly. Sweetly. Sincerely. I wonder if I call Jesse – would he want to get together later? I wonder if he’s working? Probably. But maybe he’ll take a long lunch.
At The Canteen. Why am I so anxious? What’s the matter with me? Is competition eating me up or is there really a reason? – I know there isn’t.
I was eating a ham & cheese sandwich at the bar & Gigi did a swimming pool act & I felt terrible! I watched & thought – I can do it 10 times better than that! More sensuous. More serious. Well not always – sometimes I laugh just like Gigi did. But I felt bad – I know I’m a better dancer than she is & I’m certainly way more beautiful than she is – she’s pretty but she’s fat – let’s face it. Guys love her giant tits but she’s got a giant gut to go with them. She’s one big girl all the way around. Big body – big boobs – big laugh. She’s a bump & grind type of dancer & of course I can do that, too. But Gigi can’t do the subtle stuff. She can’t dance to Linda Ronstadt’s covers of “What’s New” or “I’ve Got a Crush on You” – she can’t move her body in that slow, jazzy way. It’s beyond her. Actually – I don’t like using props – like the swimming pool – I only do it because John Canton likes that kind of thing – I think it’s a pain in the ass, actually. I don’t mind doing floor routines – I bought myself a big blue blanket for them – but as far as I’m concerned, there’s nothing sexier than a slow dance – even if you never take anything off at all. You do it all with your eyes.
Oh – what is the matter with me? It sounds like I’m a petty & vain kind of person. I’m not that kind of person. & everyone knows I’m the star. Why am I acting like this?
Any other dancer would have left town by this point. Gone to Canada – gone out West – most of the dancers I started with are dancing somewhere else. Of course most of them were biker chicks & it’s easy – when your old man is with a motorcycle club – to pick up & leave when he’s on the road all the time, too. All those girls travel light – they don’t have hundreds of books like I do – they don’t have a home like I do. How am I supposed to leave when I have Teddy – & Jesse too? & girls like Leandra – she’s still in town but she just had a baby – Teddy & I went over to her place the other day to pick up acid for camping at Stoneybrook State Park & she had the little guy on her lap – David, his name is – she had a new tattoo of his name in Harley wings on her chest – he was naked & as we sat & talked, he got a little hard-on & started to pee – & she held out her hand & caught the stream of pee in her cupped hand. I never would have believed it if I hadn’t seen it with my own eyes.
Katie – “Kitty Kat” – graduated from college & nobody’s seen her since – I ran into Margie tending bar at a small Riverside tavern where I was doing a stag one night & she complained bitterly about how Katie “abandoned” her after she became a computer programmer – “Like she didn’t know me at all,” she said. “We were best friends. We roomed together, we were on the circuit together, traveled all over the country together. & now she won’t answer my calls – she changed even changed her number to an unlisted number!”
I heard Stormy was murdered in a knife fight in a strip club in Pittsburgh – I don’t know if that true – it is definitely true that Misty was murdered by her boyfriend but he got off – since she was “just” a dancer & a prostitute – never mind that he turned her out & made her stay out until she made so much money a night sucking cock & beat the shit out of her if she didn’t produce. Laura Lee got her nursing degree & is working at Buffalo General but she still comes around & parties. Kendra went to San Francisco with a rich older woman. & I’m still here. Charlene had her baby & hooked up with a Erie County Sheriff & moved out to North Collins. I’m still here. & like I said – I would leave – but I can’t.
The day after my 25th birthday. We came home from Stoneybrook State Park late Saturday afternoon – I did two stags Saturday night & two last night. I didn’t want to go to work this morning but Teddy ragged at me so much that I went & I ended up being very glad that I did. Anna brought in a cake that she made, a nice card, a tape she made of new tunes & two large photographs of me she took several years ago. She’s a really good photographer. & the tapes have some tunes that I happened to hear on the radio when we were camping – two by this band called Lone Justice – I really like “Ways to be Wicked” – I want to add it to my set. I also love Alison Moyet – “Honey for the Bees” is exactly the kind of tune I want for my set! I’m so glad – I needed some new music to pump up my sets. Teddy is always telling me that they’re fine “the way they are” but I think that you always have to be changing things to keep them interesting.
In all I received lots of nice presents – but it was a much quieter birthday than previous ones. Last night at work, they opened a bottle of champagne for me & we were all doing shots of vodka gimlets. But I really took it pretty easy this weekend. I was so deliriously tired – especially Saturday night. No cocaine – the first weekend in months. I never realized how much I depended on it to keep going.
No joints!! I’m going nuts! Bouncing off the walls!
At the law office. Anna’s late – or maybe I’m early. I couldn’t believe all the green lights I got on my way here. Anyway, I’m standing by the phones on the second floor, waiting for her.
Last week I started to write but things got in the way – this is the first moment I’ve had alone in a while – at least that I felt like writing –
I’m sitting in my car – Teddy s getting money to get some weed. We’re on a lovely gravel dead-end road off Niagara Falls Boulevard – very rural – houses along the canal. It’s a warm day – sunny. Buttercups growing along the side of the road.
I was in a poetry reading at Neitzsche’s last week Thursday – Jon called & said that Harry G. was trying to get in touch with me. I called Harry & left a message on his machine & later he got back to me, inviting me to read. I loved it & I think I was well received – I wore tight jeans & a black lace t-shirt & my red pumps – nothing like what anyone else was wearing – I sipped a vodka gimlet as I read – oh here’s Teddy.
Oh – I thought I would have to buy a new notebook but thank god last week Lynnette picked you up & yesterday she gave it to me when she came into The Canteen at 5. I was so happy – I felt so lost all week without my notebook. Even if I barely write at all, I want to be able to carry it around – my security blanket.
Lynnette was the best person to pick up my notebook – she write too & she respects privacy. Although it really wouldn’t have mattered if she had read it – this diary has very little writing & mostly lists.
Teddy & I had a really excellent weekend in Sherkston – camped at the edge of the beach – but here in town we’re arguing again. He says it’s my drinking – it’s gonna break us up. I didn’t say – but I think it’s true – it’ll only happen if he lets it happen. His temper is as dangerous as my liking for vodka – although I do like vodka & soda, I don’t drink as often or as much as he says I do – he makes it sound like I binge everyday – sun-up to sun-down. I couldn’t do that if I tried. My body can’t handle that. I get drunk on Thursdays – that’s really it. He says he’s “only reacting” to my “actions” but I call it over-reacting. He’s just sick of me partying with the boys – flirting & doing shots. Well I don’t blame him there. I’d rather party with Teddy than with anyone else. But what the hell am I supposed to do in that bar all day? Who sits in a bar & doesn’t drink? & it’s what I’m paid to do! When we’re at Sherkston, it’s drink drink drink – but Teddy says that’s different. Well, of course it is. It’s ok if I’m drinking with him. He just doesn’t want me drinking with anyone else. I don’t see the fucking difference. Drinking is drinking.
Searched at the border – coming back into the US. With Teddy’s record, delays are inevitable. But they never found the joint I had nestled in between my labia lips – in a baggie, of course – although they patted me down. They checked us out pretty good – searched the entire truck – separated us for questioning – the whole 9 yards.
Flew into town – got Teddy’s paychecks – went to Wegman’s – filled the truck with gas. Now we’re at Tom’s – for cocaine & weed – whoo-hoo! We have to go to the meat market, Consumer’s, Doug & Danielle’s, TripleD International, Bernie’s, Jesse’s – make deliveries & pay off our debts while we have money – then fly back to Canada.
Tired. Burned out. Getting off on acid. Everyone’s at Wayne Johnson’s wedding except Teddy & me & Doug & Danielle’s dog Daisy. I really wanted to go but everyone is here at Sherkston & someone had to stay here with all the campers & with the dog. Teddy doesn’t mind but I do – I love weddings & I do like Wayne – I worked his stag a month ago & I would have loved to have been at the wedding. It seems like I’m at all the underground events & never get to go to the real ones.
I’m so horny – I’m depressed – I woke up in tears after dreaming about sex all night. I’m feeling better now that I’m getting off although I’m hornier than ever. I know I won’t get anything from Teddy – it’s been months – of course it’s summer & Jesse is working all the time & so I don’t get to see him either. Although every time he comes to the house, he makes it plain that he wants me. I mean – big deal if you can’t or won’t make it happen, ya know?
Last night was really stormy. I saw some fabulous bolts of lightning over the lake. I was so tired though – I had worked at The Canteen– after a night/day of total delirium & little sleep. I did well though – $50 in tips. My horniness always pays off – onstage at least.
Today is windy – cloudy – sunny – thundering in the distance. The weather report said to watch for a huge storm late this afternoon. I hope so – I love storms – then I hope the weather calms down for our last night here. I have a stag tomorrow night.
Twilight – the hills across the lake are deep purple – shrouded in lavender mist – the lake, faintly rippling, reflects pink, gold, lavender, several shades of blue – everything is calm & expectant before nightfall, darkness, the full moon.
The beach at its height. I’m really sad we’re leaving cuz here we are in the midst of everything – heat, oiled bodies, cool cars, a hundred sound systems playing a hundred different tunes – it’s great.
On the other hand – I’m homesick – plus I have stags tonight & a family picnic at Letchworth State Park tomorrow – Mom & Bob are up from Cleveland – so as great as it is here – I’m always happy to go home. I need a decent night’s sleep before I see everyone – Jesse – & Doreen with her giant belly – brings back that I can’t have children because of my dancing career – as much as I would love to have them. & Jesse & I would have such beautiful children! Our bone structures are compatible – unlike his & Doreen’s. Zach is a sweet child but he looks like a cabbage patch kid. I mean – I guess that’s ok if you like cabbage patch kids – but I don’t personally find them particularly endearing or even very cute.
Also I can hardly wait to see Gigi – I’ve really missed her. I want to tell her about Tom – our new coke & weed guy – I’m really into him. I would so like to fuck him! But I never will. It’s not good business to fuck a connection. But it’s fun talking to Gigi about it!
Sitting at the bar at Murphy’s, having a beer before I go next door to work. Ruthie behind the bar – Marian sitting at the other end. Mo’s already next door. We always meet here to have a drink before our shift. Ruthie worked with Mo years ago – they were both dancers – back in the late ’60’s, early ’70’s – they both say it was a much better time to be dancing than it is now. I believe it. I think it was a much better time back then in general. Marian is almost 70 – she’s a really great old babe. She’s here every day at opening for her morning martini.
I saw Marian one Saturday night – Teddy & I were going from one stag to another – travelling on Delaware Ave. & at the intersection at Hertel, Marian was crossing – totally drunk, dropping something & trying to pick it up without falling over – “Hey, I know her,” I said to Teddy.
“That drunk old babe?” Teddy grinned – or grimaced – not bothering to keep the disdain out of his voice.
Drunk old babe? Will I be that way? I hope not – but who knows. I like to get drunk & getting old is inevitable.
Labor Day weekend. At Sherkston. Storm time. It was cool & cloudy when we woke up – we took a tour of the park – smoked two joints & bought a paper – all the while noticing the every-darkening clouds & the ever-growing raindrops. Now it’s really coming down. No thunder or lightning – although you can hear it on the radio – the static it creates. We haven’t had a decent thunderstorm all summer. I mentioned this to Janice – the girl camped next to us – & her husband – of 13 years! – Dwayne. They must have gotten married when they were in junior high or something, they’re so young. They have 3 kids. They’re from Fort Erie, although Dwayne’s originally from Buffalo.
Time to make breakfast – pancakes, Canadian bacon, apples, coffee, tea.
I just woke up a little while ago. After breakfast I got a horrendous migraine – the left side of my head was totally throbbing with pain – so I went back to bed. Teddy puttered around – cleaning up around the trailer – the cooler – killing a bunch of troublesome bees. He was getting really lonely & bored by the time I woke up.
I still feel like I’m sleeping. We just had a sandwich & a joint & now it’s time to go out in the new rubber raft, which we bought at Washington Army Surplus downtown. Teddy’s wanted one for years. & of course Teddy gets what Teddy wants.
The moon just appeared – big, bright, deep yellow – a true harvest moon. All around it are wispy clouds. It’s certainly a lot clearer than last night.
Last night was fun. We partied with Dwayne & Janice – rather, they partied here with us – we have the fireplace – & their friends from Buffalo – Brian & Mel – showed up. Tonight Brian reappeared with two large bottles of vodka, a bag of weed & 12 ears of corn.
Teddy has the football game on the radio. The wind seems to be shifting directions & I’m getting smoke in my eyes.
Labor Day. Naturally the nicest day all week is the day we have to leave. I have everything packed up & in the bed of the truck or stored in the trailer. We have only to finish cleaning the trailer, collapse it, smoke a farewell joint & go. Teddy’s stalling, puttering around. He wants to stay until 4 p.m. or so – I’m dying to get going. I can’t help it – I love it here & I’m sad to go but I can hardly wait to get home & get unpacked & into the tub! I feel so yicky – I haven’t washed my hair or shaved since Thursday – I’ve been sponge-bathing & washing my face with Seabreeze – & I feel so yicky & awful I could die. My hair has long since stopped feeling like hair – I’m not sure what it feels like – soft, tough straw or something.
I’m just tired – tired from camping – tired from partying day after day – tripping – too much alcohol – cocaine – a million joints – I need some quiet time in my bathtub – the water as hot as I can make it & nice soft soap sweet & fragrant.
It’s so good to be home – we finally arrived about 2 ½ hours ago – I made tacos then finally got into the tub – it felt so good! & washing my hair – I was in heaven!
I brought calendar up to date – within 45 minutes of being home, I booked two stags for September 21. The phone must have been ringing off the wall all week. We’ve got to get an answering machine! It’ll pay for itself! A better investment than all these stupid drugs!
Almost 3 p.m. Man, I’m pissed! I took the laundry to the Laundromat – put in two loads – then went to the store. When I returned, they were both done – except one was half-full with water. I told the attendant & she asked, “Did you put any more money in?” I said, “I don’t have any more money.” I mean, I had to scrounge up the 75 cents per load as it was. So she came over & re-ran it.
What a colossal waste of time! I ran home & put the one load into my dryer & put away my groceries & I’ll have to go back to get the other load later.
I’m sick of this shit – I wish Teddy would get my washer fixed. I’m so sick of running to the Laundromat every week – spending money I’d rather spend on singles for the jukebox & lottery tickets. I’m sick of the fucking inconvenience. I just have too many things to do & not enough time to do them.
Earl’s been transferred to Fort Worth, Texas – today we had lunch for the last time – we went to The Eagle House on Main Street in Williamsville – & then went to Isle Park across the street & drank a bottle of champagne – which honestly tasted like apple cider – then I went to The Canteen & finished off the drunk I’d started – Mo was mixing up killer whiskey sours – I’m really gonna miss him – he’s one of the best friends I’ve ever had.
At the Canteen. Sitting at the bar. Teena’s not here – she called at 11:30 to say she would be a half-hour late, which was over an hour ago already. Darcy’s all pissed off but only because I doubt we’ll get extra pay for dancing extra sets while Teena’s not here – I’m not happy about it either but so fucking what. I mean, that’s life. I think Darcy’s really upset because she’s fighting with her man & Teena being late has nothing to do with it.
Shirley’s here – time to put the notebook away. She gets really pissed when she sees me writing at the bar.
I had an interesting little conversation with my boss, Edmund Durant – the second of the three partners. In the course of talking about writing, the subject of my dancing came up & he was quite interesting – well, he’s a man, of course he’s interested. Unlike the other two partners, he’s never been to The Canteen & never seen me dance. He wanted to know if I would dance for the law firm – like at a partners’ meeting & a few select “special” clients – he had to be joking – adding to his proposal, “Unless you would be embarrassed.” “Not especially,” I answered, laughing, “but you might be.” “I don’t think any of us would be,” he replied. “Well, I’ll give you my card,” I told him. “You do that,” he answered.
Later, when I was leaving, he was standing by the back door with a lady I didn’t know – his wife? – & he reminded me about my card. But I have yet to give it to him. I’m not sure if that’s a good idea. I mean – since I’ve started here – 2 years ago – the subject of my dancing has never come up. Anna – my direct supervisor – knows about it, of course – because I have to change my schedule at times to accommodate my changing dancing schedule & because if I know I’m going to be out late doing a stag, I call off “ahead of time” because I know I won’t be able to make it in the next morning. That way, I can arrange to make up the hours ahead of time & it’s no big deal. So the department knows ahead of time & nobody is put out. The whole thing is to get the work done & get it done well. I don’t know if I like the idea of mixing my dancing career with my job at the law office. I really don’t think it’s a good idea. I like keeping my various lives separate.
My car is in the shop – I don’t know what’s the matter – something with the steering – or the front right wheel – it feels like I’m driving a bumper car in an amusement park! & I hate the bumper cars! It just started doing this today. But I can’t drive it – it’s unsafe. So tomorrow I have to drive Teddy to work – then drive downtown – then leave at 1 p.m. & run back out to Tonawanda & pick up Teddy – run run run –
Beautiful weather lately – mid to high 70’s – sunny – nights cool & excellent for sleeping.
I’m having a glass of milk & a joint – getting ready for bed.
At the law office – I’m early – I left the house early partly because I was ready & partly because traffic has been really heavy lately so naturally today it wasn’t! I took a little cruise down Fillmore Avenue – up Smith Street – all around that neighborhood. There are some old, old buildings there. I could cruise around & look at buildings all day.
I have to write a note to Anna explaining next week’s schedule changes.
At The Canteen. In the dressing room. Not my normal shift – no one to talk to! All my regular customer are afternoon people – if we weren’t going to Watkins Glen tomorrow, I wouldn’t be working – I worked yesterday too – 12-5. I’m not used to being here so early in the week.
I’m working with Lena & “Rock’n’Roll” Sue – real nice girls but typical dancers – light on intellect.
And Shirley’s in her usual charming mood – you know –
I really would like to take my notebook out to the bar & sit & write but if I did, some customer would sidle up to me & want to know what I was writing – like it was any of their fucking business! Oh I supposed you shouldn’t sit at the bar with a notebook –especially if you’re a star like me – it’s just – even if I don’t write – don’t even open it up – it’s like sitting with someone friendly – a good friend – sitting with my notebook –
But. It’s nice seeing Lena again – she just got back from Reno & other places out West – she & her sister Mira went out there more or less with Rick James – I know they were both seeing him years ago but I didn’t know they were travelling with him – Lena said that Mira is still out there & making “loads” of money in the clubs out there – I don’t know why she came back – if there’s so much money to be made out there, why would you come back here to make no more than $10 an hour plus your tips? But who knows.
At the law office. Boy, I got pretty wasted last night – came home & pigged out on tacos & chocolates! I’m amazed I feel as good as I do today – I hope a hangover doesn’t creep up on me or something. My head does feel kinda fuzzy – but that’s not unusual!
Today’s the day we go to Watkins Glen! I get out at 11 – run a few errands – then home to get ready. It’s supposed to rain – I hope we can get the trailer packed before it does – or gets too heavy. I hope it doesn’t rain all weekend but with Hurricane Gloria moving up the coast, I’ll be amazed if it doesn’t.
Well, no one’s here yet but I should get to work anyway. Work makes the time fly! Well – usually!
Watkins Glen Racetrack. Hurricane Gloria moved up the coast last night from North Carolina, hitting Virginia Beach, Atlantic City, New York City – New England’s probably getting it now. It started raining last night around 1 a.m. – it poured all night – it’s still raining now, although not as hard. The wind’s really wild. Our awning is valiantly hanging in there. I expected to find it torn off this morning.
We went into town for breakfast – it’s supposed to rain all day & I figured it would be good to get out. Also we wanted a newspaper. We ate at Savone’s Family Restaurant. It was OK – not great – they used cheapo margarine & the sausages weren’t cooked enough. We read the Elmira Daily – published by Gannett – & was amazed at the junkiness of it. One article in particular – a front-page story about the hurricane – could have been written by a sixth-grader. There is no way that writer could ever be hired by the Buffalo News.
The cars are flying around the track. I love that sound. They look so cool with the rain streaming behind them – “rooster-tail,” Teddy calls it. Actually – although we’re camping & it’s raining – two things that really don’t go together too well – it’s really a nice day. The sky is totally intense & the wet leaves look ten times as colorful & bright as they would normally. But the day is really a drag. Stuck inside the trailer all day – ultra damp – chilly – Teddy can’t get the furnace going because of the wind. I would read but Teddy won’t shut up & I can’t concentrate.
Teddy got the furnace lit – I went outside & held the pizza pan over the vent so no air could get in. Now we’re sitting inside – getting warmer – while the storm rages outside – the Grateful Dead on the radio – “Somebody likes me,” I said – Teddy’s measuring a half a gram into the vial. Talk about driving that train!
The rain stopped & the wind died down somewhat. All afternoon we sat in Bernie’s coach, playing Trivial Pursuit with Bernie & Ariana & Bernie & Tina – Bernie & Ariana’s guests. Teddy & I won. We’d never played before but it was easy to catch onto. Because of my constant reading of everything I lay my hands on & Teddy’s knowledge of sports & automotives & all things machinery, we blew the other two couples away.
We’re making a fire. Doug & Danielle should be getting here soon.
Saturday morning at Watkins Glen. Sun already totally warm – they’re saying a high of 75. We’ve got Formula-Ones flying around the track – the two Bernies on top of Bernie’s coach – spectators lining up in front of me. This one group – looks like Ma & Pa & their grown-up son – Ma looks like Mrs. Methodist Church – she has on a white crocheted hat, navy blue pants, a quilted nylon coat – she has frizzy hair & silver glasses – not what you expect a racing fan to look like – but she’s watching each car go by – nudging her old man, making remarks & pointing out the merits of each car. The husband & son are each wearing brand new Camel GT baseball caps.
Boy, when the sun goes behind a cloud, it gets cool real fast! I have to get my jacket.
What a beautiful day for the races. We’re all on top of Bernie’s mini-home, watching the cars go by – smoking joints & drinking. We put on of the stereo speakers up here so we could hear the broadcast but when one or more cars go by, it’s impossible to hear anything anyway. Last night we all drew two car numbers out of a hat – one of my cars #2 Porsche Marche – hot pink – collided with Ariana’s at the beginning of the race – reappeared for a lap – all patched up – & hasn’t been seen since. My other car – #22 Chevy Marche – also hot pink – is also missing. Teddy’s cars are doing well.
It’s such a lovely day. Since 10:30 this morning – when I took my shower in Bernie & Ariana’s coach – oh, what a joy to wash my hair – I’ve been wearing shorts but I just changed into jeans since in the last half-hour the wind’s come up a little – enough to make it a little chilly. I packed all our clothing & toiletries. Now all I have to do – whenever I feel like it – is pack the foodstuffs & kitchen wares. I like to do my work in little bits – then there’s never a lot to do.
Got quite a nice buzz on. Teddy & I are saving the rest of the coke for the ride home since I remember last year – falling asleep on the ride home – both of us totally wishing we had saved even a quarter gram! No – we have even more than that this year & even money! We’ve come up in the world!
Well – we have. We’ve both been working our butts off. I’m the focal point of the business, of course! – but Teddy’s influence is not to be understated. I couldn’t do it without him. Well – I could do it – but not the volume – not the quality.
Lord – the sun feels nice!
As soon as the race was over, the whole area thinned out almost immediately. Our suppers over, Teddy & I are almost completely packed up. I have to help him take down the awning.
A minute later. I know as soon as I get into my writing here, he’s going to want me to do something else. A campsite nearby is playing Marshall Tucker tunes – from over the hill, I can hear Heart. There’s still a lot of people here – mostly packing up but still partying – it’s the day crowd that’s gone. Myself – I can hardly wait to leave. I can’t help it! Long way to travel tonight & unpacking when we get home. I wanna get to it! Before I tire out!
Very late at night. We just got home. Our answering machine is blinking & it’s filled with messages. I knew that this thing would pay off. I sit & listening to messages & jot down phone numbers & names as I hear them so I can call guys back – of course they’re all guys wanting to hire me for parties – tomorrow. There’s quite a list & I feel really good about that.
The last message on the machine was from Jesse. “Hey Cori, Teddy – Doreen just had a baby girl – call me when you get in – ”
I decided I would call him in the morning. The very first call.